Tool Shows

Witch's Coven or Faire of Death?

Not satisfied with the number of unregistered and unlicensed tools in American homes today, the Tool Lobby has convinced it's customers that they need to sell more. More tools, more hazards, more potential for death and disfiguring injury- that's what they're after. Thanks to the bright light of publicity M.I.L.T. has shown on their activities, the Tool Industry as decided to go on the offensive. Tool Shows.

Often run over the course of several days, tool companies will sponsor a special "sale" where customers can see the tools offered and buy them at "special prices." Many times, they try to convey a festive atmosphere by having a tent, and "giving away" free food. But we know the truth- there's nothing free in this world, and that food you think is free is actually bought and paid for with tool "blood money."

What kind of people frequent a tool show? Well, M.I.L.T. discovered there is no age requirement to get in. We walked right past them with a baby stroller and no one lifted a finger to stop us. It was a sickening display, grown men and women hungrily fingering the glistening tools, mesmerized by their blades and bits and discs, wondering aloud about worm gears and horsepower and revolutions per minute. The celebratory mood causes regular folks- who would normally resist the siren song of tool manufacturers- to reach deep into their pocketbook for tools they would not otherwise purchase, have no idea how to use, and will only end up being found by a young child, resulting in yet another accident.