Kitchen Table Tool Dealers

They drive from neighborhood to neighborhood, from town to town, one step ahead of the authorities. Based in garages and spare bedrooms, these "kitchen table" tool dealers often go unnoticed as they ply their trade to anyone with the cash to buy.

With no background check and an unreasonably small franchise fee, these dealers' "turf" is protected by the Tool Industry, lest friction breaks out between competitors. Plowing through the streets with their massive vans, they carry a selection of Assault Tools larger than most hardware stores. If you don't have the money to buy, they can arrange credit via satellite uplinks and Internet connections.

M.I.L.T. estimates that up to 70% of all assault tools sold in the U.S. originate from clandestine kitchen table tool dealers. While your family is watching television or playing Yahtzee, your next door neighbors may be operating a secret tool business, stockpiling tools in every nook and cranny, taking orders over the phone, and having their children stuff envelopes and lick stamps.

One of these tool companies actually states in it's advertising, "...there is no substitute for raw power." Well, we say there is- how about saftey, decency, and common sense?