Founding Fathers Speak Out

History Shows America is Better off Without Power Tools

Many people are under the mistaken impression that this country was created using power tools. Of course, this is a lie spread by the Powerful Tool Lobby and their puppets in Congress. We know now it just isn't so.

In fact, we hired several college students to research exactly what the Founding Fathers had to say on the subject, and the results amazed even us!

As it turns out, while the Tool Lobby was in it's infancy and had not yet managed to sink it's claws into all our representatives and entice them with filthy lucre, the Dangers of Assault Tools were well known.

Samuel Adams, fearful that he was being watched by the Tool Lobby, secretly wrote his friend John Pitts on January 21, 1776, "How strangely will the Tools of a Tyrant pervert the plain Meaning of Words!"

Of course, what Samuel meant was that King George- an avid amateur carpenter- couldn't hear the colonist's demands over the whine of his saws and drills, which resulted in the Revolutionary War.

Needless to say, power tools were- once again- the cause of much bloodshed and trauma.