Moms Insisting on Licensed Tools 55 W. 125th Street Harlem, NY 10027

A M.I.L.T. Operative's Supreme Sacrifice

When your children open the door to their future, what do you want them to see?

Do you want a world that's safe? Do you want a world where your children can walk without fear?

That's what M.I.L.T. wants too. A kinder, gentler world- a safer world. A world where parents don't have to be consumed by dread- a place where they can raise their children with one less chance of evil entering their little lives.

Part of the solution is, as you know, the licensing of tools. Only trained and licensed professionals should have tools- we all know this. But the Tool Lobby seems adamant in getting as much heavy-duty hardware into the hands of unskilled laypersons as they possibly can, using any trick in the book to do it.

One of the ways they do this is to make tools look as attractive to the amateurs as they possibly can. The latest trick is one of the most horrifying- combining two tools into one.

Enter the "hammer drill."

Hammers haven't caused enough trouble in our society, and drills haven't disfigured enough children, the the Tool Industry thought they should combine the two!

Our under cover operative, known only as "Chuck W.", recently reported in by covert radio the following report of his visit to one of the factories where these assault tools are secretly manufactured. Sadly, Chuck never made it back from this mission, and his whereabouts are still being ascertained. This is only a partial transcript.

MILT:   Chuck, are you there?
Chuck:   [static] Yes, I am in the sales office of [unintelligble] Company right now!
MILT:   Can you see the sales literature?
Chuck:  Yes, control, I see it [static] horrible [static] shocking [static]
TECH: We're losing him.
MILT:   Adjust your gain, we're losing you!
Chuck:  I'm reading about the unspeakble uses this tool is to be used for. [static] Evidently, it was designed as a hammer and a drill [static]
MILT: Say again- it sounded like you said a hammer AND a drill.
Chuck:   That's affirmative, control. In one tool. [static]
MILT:   But what possible use--
Chuck:   Says here [unintelligible] used for breaking foundations, concrete slabs, sidewalks and driveways [static]
MILT:  Surely there must be some sort of license requirement or--
Chuck: Negative, control. Looks [static] just like a big drill. Say, there's one right here!
MILT:   Can you see it?
Chuck: [static] Yes, control, I'm picking it up [static}
MILT: Chuck?
MILT: Chuck, can you hear us?
Chuck:  It... it... it feels good in my hands, control. Balanced. Why I--
MILT:   PUT IT DOWN, CHUCK!
Chuck:   I feel like I could go through a WALL with this sucker!
MILT: Chuck. Please put it down and step away--
Chuck:  Where the hell is an outlet?
MILT:  Think about what you're do--
Chuck: [static] [loud hammering noise] OH YEAH, BABY! 40,000 hammer blows a minute! Look what it's doing to this wall!
MILT: Chuck!
Chuck:   [alarms sounding] [ loud hammering noise]
TECH: I show an alarm
MILT:   Chuck, you've set off the building alarm- GET OUT NOW!
Chuck:   I feel like a GOD! {static] [maniacal laughter]
MILT: CHUCK! CHUCK!
Chuck: [unintelligble] HA HA HA HA HA HA [static] [hammering sounds]

At this point we lost the signal. However, in that brief time, Chuck managed to send the picture you see above. We may have lost Chuck. But we're not going to lose the fight to save America's kids from the dangers of unlicensed assault tools.

Go give your kids a hug for us.