Have a Hamster Holiday!

Have a Hamster Holiday!

Tis the season! The hamsters (Casey, Pepso, and Hampira) and I have been busy decorating, baking, and buying presents. Actually, I have done most of the work and provided the money; they simply came up with stares of approval or appalled looks in response to my efforts at holiday cheer. They are not terribly helpful.

They are, however, cute. Their simple, furry little faces and wiggly plump bodies provide a much-needed antidote to the stresses of daily life. It is impossible to watch hamster activities and be in a bad mood. Sometimes I lay on the sofa, fretting over some financial trauma or work-related problem, and watch them go about their important hamster functions - rearranging the cage litter, decorating with food chunks, spinning in the whirly wheel, peering out and pondering their means of escape. After a few minutes, I can't remember what it was I was worrying about. They make up for their lack of household-duty sharing simply be being hamsters.

Having waxed eloquent about hamsters, it occurs to me that their overriding cuteness may have a special purpose at this time of year. They would make excellent "Santa's Helpers." Hamsters couldn't actually lift large bags of toys or pull a sleigh, but they could assist in other less strenuous tasks.

For example, hamsters could be used as tree ornaments. If the tree is strung with popcorn and cranberries, hamsters would be quite content to hang there and look decorative. The tree might vibrate more than absolutely necessary, resulting in large piles of needles on the tree skirt, but friends would be enchanted by the meanderings of the festive rodents. Besides, you could save time and lots of storage space. Instead of the tiresome task of wrapping dozens of ornaments and putting them away, you just put the hamsters back in their cages. If you could get the hamsters to wear tiny tree lights, you wouldn't have to wrestle with all those strands of lights that refuse to go wind back onto their racks.

What do you mean, you don't wrap your ornaments or rewind your lights????

Hamsters are also useful for decorating packages. You may have a bit of trouble getting the hamster to stick to the box, so we recommend adding the hamster just before you give the gift. A sprig of holly or greens will make even the most earth-toned hamster very attractive. This suggestion is especially helpful for those who have a surplus of hamsters and would like to share the wealth with other less fortunate humans.

At your next grab bag or gift exchange, try livening things up by giving a hamster. Wouldn't you rather get a fluffy little hamster than a polka-dotted tie or a fruitcake? This is a thoughtful way to use hamsters; but it does make it difficult for the recipient to put the hamster away with the Christmas stuff and use it as a grab bag gift for next year.

One final holiday hamster tip: use them to monitor holiday snacking. In these days of cost-consciousness and weight-watching, you certainly don't want your guests sneaking hors d'oeuvres into their pockets or purses, or overindulging on the cream cheese ball. A couple of hamsters strategically located near the centerpiece could keep an eye on things for you. Well-trained hamsters would know when to dart out and nip at someone's greedy fingers in the rum balls for the third time. Just stick out a bowl of food chunks, sunflower seeds, and apple slices so they'll (the hamsters) feel at home.

You never know. Someone might ask for the recipe.

P.S. In case any of you think we are perverts and would actually DO these things to our hamsters, get a grip. The most evil thing we do is subject them to movie lights while videotaping. They are fat, sassy, and terribly spoiled. And we love them for it.

Happy Holidays from The Pilot-politician, The Hamsters, and Me.

To learn more about hamsters and the way they think, check out the The Hamster Liberation Front

Maralyn would enjoy email from you: wea@allmax.com

W. Earl Allen's home page: http://www.allmax.com/wea